Yami's On The Loose
by DracOnyx
Summary: Rated for sexual innuendos and language. This is what you get when three quirky authoresses have too much time on their hands. The yami's and hikari's have a movie night. Problem is, the yami's can't seem to keep thier minds out of the gutter while watchi


Disclaimer – We don't own the YuGiOh characters, or the Disney characters. We're merely having way too much fun for our own good.

Author's Notes – Whelp, this is what you get when you throw three twisted author's together on a crazy night. Myself, Lady Laran (The Mistress of Rabid Wombat's) and LadywolfTerri (The Mistress of Rabid Plot Bunnies) all got together, and here's what you get. This will be ongoing, so hold on to your sides, and get a fresh pair of pants . . . it's going to be a rough ride!

With that, take it away, Lady Laran!

Lady Laran: I'm one of the warped minds that brought you this piece of fiction. For those of you who love Disney, I'm seriously NOT going to apologize.

Yami: Trust me, she won't. She hates flamers with a passion.

Lady Laran: Yup. All flames will be dealt with in one manner.

Yugi: Oh Ra, not again!

Lady Laran: Yugi, the rabid wombats please!

Yugi: Oh man, not fair! Yami, it's your turn!

Yami: Are you kidding me? I had to get them the last time, and I've got the bite marks to prove it!

Lady Laran: Hmm,really? grabs Yami and drags him off

Yami: What are you doing?

Lady Laran: Going to the bomb shelter and kiss the bites better. grins and hides the drooling Yugi! Finish the disclaimer!

Yami: Yugi! Don't leave me alone with this crazy woman!

Yugi: Sorry, Yami. She's all yours. looking at the audience read and review please. I'm going to hide in the shelter with the others.

Lady Laran: (Shouting back) Yugi! Come on, cutie pie! Let the nice readers read in peace!

(all three author's, plus the yami's and their hikari's, are currently awaiting the fallout in Drac's bomb shelter)

YuGiOh MST3K - Yami's on the Loose

1 – The Wonders of Disney

"I'm telling you, it's got to be perverted!" Bakura snapped, holding the movie case over his head and out of reach of the others. "It's got a picture of a dick incorporated into the castle, for Ra's sake!"

"Bakura, it's a Disney movie!" Ryou said, trying futilely to reach the case, his white hair bouncing against his back as he jumped for it. "It CAN'T be perverted! It's for children!" He shuddered when his yami grinned down at him, a feral smirk on that pale face.

"Watch us," he drawled, and strode for the phone. "Between the three of us, I'm sure we can pervert it." Ryou groaned, and covered his eyes with his hands. It was going to be a long night.

-

It wasn't often that the six of them got together . . . considering the usual tensions between the yami's, it was relatively safer to keep them apart as much as possible. But when it was Bakura suggesting a gathering, curiosity was just too much to keep such considerations in mind.

So, they found themselves all gathered around the TV that Friday night, watching from their various positions as Bakura shoved the DVD into the player and hit play.

"You dragged us over here to watch a cartoon!" Marik snarled, disbelief widening his violet eyes. In response, the former thief tossed him the case, and he stared down at it before a smirk crossed the bronzed features. "Oh," he said, and left it at that.

"What's the big deal about a cartoon?" Yami asked, snagging the box from the blonde's grasp easily. He took one look at the picture, and he suddenly got very interested. "This should be interesting . . ." he murmured, fingering the box cover with one light finger. The three lights in the room shared a look . . . one on one, the yami's had proven to be rather perverted as they were. Together, and with those kinds of responses . . . something had to be up.

"Stroke it somewhere else, Pharaoh," Bakura said, snagging the box. "Sit down and watch the damn movie. I want to see if this cover is right."

The movie started calmly enough . . . at least, as calmly as having three yami's in the same room could. Actually, everything was fine for a while, aside from some minor grumbling about 'getting to the good parts' and some cat-calls from Marik about Ariel's sister's needing to get rid of the sea shell bra's. The hikari's started to relax . . . and then Ariel fell in love with Eric.

"What the fuck, thief?" Marik snarled, turning to Bakura. "You didn't say this was a fucking romance! What a load of shit!"

"I didn't fucking know!" Bakura snapped back. "It didn't say!" Yami was silent for a moment as the two yami's went at each other, foregoing the movie, before he spoke.

"How the hell is that going to work?" he mused, drawing everyone's attention. "How does one fuck a mermaid? How does a mermaid fuck a human?" Bakura shuddered, staring at him oddly.

"Pharaoh, that would be like fucking sushi," he said, and Marik made wretching noises.

"Only you would contemplate something that sick, Pharaoh," he muttered.

"Well, think about it . . . talk about a hopeless situation," Yami said, gesturing lightly with one hand. "Oral sex is out, unless Eric grows gills . . . and how can you even tell if she's wet? She's always going to be wet."

"Hmm . . . sex anytime if you can find the hole," Bakura said, earning a smack from Ryou. "What! It's the truth!"

After that minor departure from reality, it was back to the movie . . . at least, until Ursula showed up.

"Holy hell! She's huge!" Bakura muttered, staring at the screen.

"I like big tits and I cannot lie . . . you other brother's can't deny . . ." Marik began, only to have his hikari slap a hand over his mouth to shut him up.

"Wrong words, Marik," Yami snarled, clapping his hands over his ears. "And you can't sing for shit."

"That's disgusting, Marik," Bakura growled. "I mean . . . come on, big tits are nice, but geesh!" Ryou glared at him, and he shrugged. "I'm just saying . . ."

"Yeah, but look at all those legs! Talk about multi-tasking . . ." the blonde mused, and the other two yami's shuddered. Sometimes Marik was really strange.

Silence fell once again, with occasional comments on the nauseating sap and horrid singing, before the part came when Ariel became human . . . and had no voice.

"Damn! Eric's got the perfect woman!" Bakura hollered, ignoring the dirty look Ryou gave him for that comment.

"No shit," Marik added. "No complaints, no screams . . . although I think I would miss the screams." He grinned at Malik, who looked suddenly very uncomfortable. "Screams are nice."

"She's still got the eyes and the body," Yami pointed out dryly. "The eyes are what's lethal." He ignored his own hikari, who was using said weapon at that point in demonstration.

"No lie there, Pharaoh," Bakura growled, clapping a hand over his own hikari's eyes to block out those dewy orbs. "Some people are too good at getting what they want with just their eyes. Vocal chords working or not."

"At least he doesn't have to listen to her when she's got PMS," Marik muttered. "Ishizu can be a severe bitch during her time of the month."

"Women aren't the only ones, Marik," Yami replied, earning a smack from his hikari.

"Will you three just watch the damn movie?" Ryou whined, effectively silencing them . . . for a whole five minutes.

The scene with the cook and Sebastian had the three yami's rolling with laughter . . . and rooting for the cook. They even went so far as to start shouting at the tv, before their hikari's clapped hands over their mouths to get them to shut up as they pointed out where the annoying, stuck up crab was hiding.

"Fuck!" Bakura growled, as the crab disappeared. "Damn it." He quickly handed ten bucks over to Marik, who grinned and pocketed the money. "Should have known a shellfish wouldn't do as it should and just die!"

"You know, that crab reminds me of Kaiba," Yami muttered. "Too stuck up for his own damn good." Yugi thwapped him over the head for that one.

Ariel's mishaps at the dining table drew hoots of laughter as well.

"Oh Ra . . . can anyone be that fucking stupid?" Bakura said, as she blew into the pipe, covering the steward with ash.

"I certainly hope not," Marik replied.

"Even I know what a fork is for!" Yami exclaimed, staring at the tv in shock.

"Yeah, but who was it that banished my pager to the Shadow Realm?" Yugi pointed out, and everyone laughed as the Pharaoh turned bright red.

"That is so fucking pathetic! How fucking sappily romantic can this movie get?" Bakura growled as Eric took Ariel on their 'date'. "Although it does illuminate the point about women drivers."

"No kidding," Yami murmured. "Have you seen Tea drive? And gods forbid you ever ride with Mai . . ." They all chuckled at that, even the hikari's, who'd had their own life fearing rides with the two females and could attest to being very grateful they'd come out of it alive.

'Kiss The Girl' however, caught all of them off guard.

"Oh . . . my . . . god . . ." Yami groaned. "Can this get any worse?" Bakura growled under his breath.

"I fucking hope not . . ." he muttered . . . and then the seagull tried to join in the singing. "Okay . . . who sold them Marik's singing voice?" All eyes turned to the blonde yami, who calmly flipped them off.

"Even I'm not that bad," he pointed out calmly. They managed to sit through the nerve wracking song . . . up until the boat tipped over.

"He shoots . . . he scores!" Yami shouted, drawing astonished gazes from around the room. "What?" he muttered. "One wet female in a flimsy gown . . ." Yugi merely shook his head at him, amethyst eyes glowering slightly. "What guy wouldn't be happy with that?"

It seemed peace was finally going to get it's chance, as the yami's settled down with their lights, still waiting for some perversion that wasn't of their own making. Lot's of angst, lots of drama . . .

"This is worse than those fucking soap opera's," Bakura grumbled. "Marry one of them, and get it the fuck over with. Although he's a moron if he goes for the one with a voice. Talk about cursing yourself . . ."

The worst seemed to be over . . . and then the marriage scene came up. The hikari's noticed it first, surprisingly.

"Oh my god . . . is that what I think it is?" he squeaked, staring at the screen in shock as the 'priest' spoke.

"Wha . . . holy mother! And it's going up!" Ryou choked, spitting his soda back into his cup as he stared in horror at the rather obvious 'erection'. Bakura chortled as the other two lost it, laughing hysterically.

"Well, it's about fucking time!" he snarled. "Action at last! Figures it'd be a priest." Yami looked over at him and smirked, remembering the current headlines he'd been reading from America.

"Now the question is . . . is it for the bride, or the choirboys?" he murmured. Bakura choked, coughing violently as Yugi gasped in horror before smacking the former Pharaoh. Marik was already on the floor laughing.

"That's sick, yami!" Ryou gasped, horrified. Yami merely shrugged, rubbing at his head where his aibou had smacked him . . . it wasn't his fault that reality was often worse than fiction.

Comments flew for several minutes, before Ariel was confronted with her father becoming a part of Ursula's garden.

"I got your daddy right here, girl," Marik growled, cupping his crotch lewdly.

"Hey! Excuse me! Hikari and lover right here, asshole!" Malik snarled. "I didn't say anything about sharing!" He climbed onto Marik's lap, glowering into his yami's eyes. "Besides . . . you're bigger than a weed. Not by much . . ." He earned his own smack for that comment as the other two yami's laughed at his predicament.

"SPEARED!" Bakura shouted with a whoop, watching Ursula go down. "With a ship at that! Damn, and I thought my death was bad . . ."

"At least she didn't take it up the ass like you, thief," Yami commented, earning a growl from Bakura.

"Fuck you, Pharaoh," the thief snarled. Yami smiled, and quirked an eyebrow.

"You couldn't handle me, Tomb Robber."

They all watched Ariel pine for Eric on her lonely little rock, rolling eyes at the added drama.

"Well, guess he'll be fucking sushi after all, eh Bakura?" Marik said, causing the thief to shudder.

"Gods, what a horrid thought," Yami added. "Cold and clammy . . . isn't there some kind of disease that does that?"

"EWWW!" Yugi squeaked. "Gross Yami!"

The ending sap had them all pretending to puke, before the end credits finally rolled around.

"Well . . . okay, so it wasn't as perverted as I'd hoped . . ." Bakura grumbled, rising from the couch to put the DVD back in it's case. "I should sue for false advertising."

"We should do this again," Yami mused.

"HELL NO!" the hikari's shouted back. This was one movie night they weren't EVER going to forget.


End file.
